It was wintery, the sky was ominous (I know how to set the mood even in my dreams apparently) and our car hoods were covered in about an inch of snow. Somehow, as only characters can, he reached his arm out of his driver's side car window (while driving) and with a hand long enough to write in the snow on the hood of his car he began carving out letters, a message on where he wanted me to go.
How smart of him seeing as how I was in the lead with my car. I watched him etch in my rearview mirror. I felt competing desires. He was the higgest bidder. Someone really wanted me. And yet I knew he wasn't eventually going to lead me to good things--though I don't think in the dream I necessarily thought or knew he wanted to kill me.
I couldn't decide what to do. I didn't have hope for what tomorrow held anyway but I kept my gaze forward, and drove judiciously hoping he'd believe I hadn't seen him behind me or his letters. He quickly, almost magically, sped in front of me (as only possible in dreams) and all-at-once there was a stretch of skinny tire tracks in the snow ahead of my car. He was moving fast. I stared at the greyish tracks in the white snow and wondered whether to follow. It was clear he was intent on reeling me in, only me, in that moment.
Someone wanted me. Really wanted me. Did I care what he wanted with me?
There's a little more to the dream, which weaves in actual people and places from my history... But in interest of time, and appropriateness of this forum, I'll be selective with details...
I am undecided on the place of dreams in the Christian life. However, I an confortable to ponder it a bit. Of course the obvious question I might have would be... Am I, or have I ever been so lonely or felt so worthless than I would follow an evil man? I haven't seen the 'Sweeney Todd movie' mind you, but I've read the synopsis and know the storyline.
I know in that time of my life (15-18) I didn't understand why people wanted to live long lives. I remember when I was 18/19 when on shopping trips where perhaps the opportunity came up to buy pretty comforter or 'invest' in little piece of furniture for my room (I still lived with my parents for various reasons I wasn't thrilled with) and I hated the sense of commitment, of fear, of unrelatability that came with the idea of buying things that you expected to be permanent fixtures in your life. I didn't like anything that required me to think 5 years out for that matter. I liked stuff, but not anything with a sense of commitment to it. A T-shirt? No commitment. A CD? No commitment, you just use it. A desk? A bedspread? A lamp? They represented 'settling down' and I certainly wasn't anywhere near settled.
In my dream Sweeney Todd represented a specific man in my life. That's not me interpretting the dream, that was sorta known in the dream as in the first half of it he appeared as he did, in flesh, back then. And the 'stage/geography' in the dream was where he and I usually saw each other. The dream began with this man being busy talking to other people, as sometimes he was back then. He was social, networked, and he knew I'd wait.
I was waiting for that man... And he knew it. It apparently worked for both of us. My patience turned to anger. I wanted to go and I was angry at having to wait for my ride out of there. I'd ridden with my parents who were also there and they too were talking, and talking, to someone or someones. At this point I wasn't so much thinking about that man (he'd faded out of the scene in that moment) but about how angry I was at my parents for not caring that I had been sitting for 90 minutes waiting for them. I was captive. Note: I didn't get my license until I was 17. So in the dream I wasn't allowed to drive, but somehow I must've hijacked my parents car, although this was skipped over in the 'story.'
In pondering my following Sweeney, I am thinking about this: what if my subconscience was (in the dream and in real life?) choosing between a) being with people who I felt abused and ignored me, maybe did or didn't love me or, b) with someone who I knew didn't love me, but really really wanted me and heck, I hadn't been planning on living a long life anyway..... I didn't know how to have hope for the future.
Did I just venture over into dream interpretation? I'm not sure... But, this dream was such a strange combination of the really unusual, and the really real, that I couldn't chalk it up to meaningless REM sleep induced entertainment without a little rumination first.
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