Fast Food Nomenclature vs. Your Dignity

For better or for worse (ok for worse, I'm cruel) I've long been a fan of shows that humiliate people. And surprise humiliation seems to be the best kind. Surpises such as what Jamie Kennedy, Punk'd and Candid Camera offer up.

There's nothing like seeing Justin Timberlake fall to the ground in the fetal position as one of Ashton's kronies breaks the bad news that SUV #5 of 10 has indeed been hijacked and driven into an irrate Courtney Love's 3 foot deep above-ground pool.

Oh the irks of celebrityhood. I've watched a season or two of Punk'd and have been amazed at the naivite and apparent humility shown by California's most beloved as they're stupidly scammed by granny-shagging Ashton. Personally, if I had the world at my fingertips as does say P. Diddy--whose fan base seems unfazed by his inability to decide who he his--The dude changes names so often I'd be concerned my bank wouldn't let me cash last weeks paycheck. Your Diddy who...? But the check says Puffy Combs..?

Anyway, if I were of the P. Diddy rank I'd likely have a bit of a tude, know what I'm sayin? I think certain jobs of granduer germinate a sorta diva-like nasti-mus-attitudus virus. Perhaps that is why Jesus said it's harder for a rich man to enter heaven than a camel to squeeze through the eye of a needle... Ouch.

And so we see celebs like Lindsay Lohan leaving the scene of an eye-clawing--a cat fight with none other than 'the heiress' and she's broken down by a little car driver who accuses her of something she didn't do. There's something about being out of your element I suppose that's completely debiliating. I've met people like lil' Linds and pals, girls who aren't comfortable having a conversation that doesn't involve weaving in the 'F' or 'B' word into every sentence... You, like, expect me to actually make sense when I talk? Like I can't just use non-descriptive bleep words?

In any case, while you laugh away at Punk'd, don't be sure you're not next. Celebrity or not, the galaxy has a huge appetite for human humiliation and if last week it was Lindsay Lohan, this week it's gotta be someone new and there are only a mere 50,000 or so celebrities after all to cruise through...

So, if you're worth the 9.95 internet access you're utilizing to read this post you should be wondering; "How can I avoid any future attempts at recording my humiliation as I pretend to call my non-existent lawyer who is experienced in the defense of people who've killed the last living blue-footed booby?"

Well, kiddos it seems we can only try our best to be one step ahead of the rest. And I think I am.

It seems to me Comedy Central is now filming what is to be the decades biggest rouse and the location is your local fast food joints, the victims are: us, the patrons.

This all dawned on me yesterday when Nick returned from the smoothie shop. I had a 'Wu' size smoothie he says. "Wu?" I say. "Well, it was either a Woo, Wee or Woah." He said, as he explained...

"Sir, would you like a Wu, Wee or a Woah?"

"A Wu please."

"But buy a Wee and a Wee and you get the second Wee free."

"A Wee for free? Hhmm.. no thanks, I just need a Wu."

"But with the Woah you get a free energy booster."

"No thanks, I don't need a Woah or 2 Wee's, just a Wu please."

"What about adding a Wu booster?"

"No Wu boost needed, just a plain Wu."

I tell you, if repeatedly uttering Wu and Wee in public isn't humiliating (and thus good TV) I don't know what is. The next time you get a craving for "Billy's Biggie Boy Beefie Beanie Burger" or "Suzie Q's Twisty-twirl Poofy Puffs" - simply pick up the menu and point. You'll thank me for it and leave Comedy Central and it's burger flipping cohorts looking for new fodder.

Who knew there were such perils to today's reality - which is that cable companies and fast food joints are often owned by the same entity.

Tomorrow she will be married

Hi Amy,

Just another 'Congratulations' on your wedding tomorrow! I wish you and Tony all the best and hope the day feels special despite the lack of a huge hurrah.

Looking forward to the ceremony to follow this year--Nick and I will do our best to be there.

Unfortunately being an American Idiot doesn't pay well

There are certain things that make me contemplate rennouncing my US citizenship, like say watching the American Idol season opener audtions. Naturally I watch because I laugh til I hurt--but yet I can not help but hope the majority of these self-proclaimed singers possess a nugget of intelligence leading them to admit they aren't in fact in any way pop-star material.

Now, I recognize that many of you reading on may think you're one step ahead having deduced the majority of these folks aren't serious and don't intend to be taken seriously... However, it seems to me the crew that filters down the thousands to the dozens we see audition in front of Paula, Simon and Randy are expected to weed out the "cheeky, senior in college" guys showing up in hopes of impressing a group of girls by getting their goofy out-of-tune antics broadcasted live.

My guess is that the group who end up before us on TV can be summed up as: 80% fall in the awful/terrible/but amusing category, though most would claim they belong in the "fabulous despite their current lame waitressing or grocery bagging jobs" yet only 3 out of 100 actually find the judges agreeing they belong in said category. Of the 80% most truly don't know they are not actually fabulous--and if those tears and slurred swear-word-heavy rebuttals are fake, I say let's start up the first season of "American Actor"...

The remainder I would sum up as average singers who either sound fine but have no stage presence or are hard to look at, or they're nice to look at but if that weren't the case we wouldn't consider them among the nation's best of singers...

I consider American Idol good TV. I mean if I had my way I'd rename the show and secondly, declare 'do-overs' when say people like Clay Aiken come in second, but aside from this it is top-level entertainment. However, it pains me to know this many people did in fact survive evolution leaving me with little hope for our future if these are the guys who will style our hair, fix our cars, design our homes, or manage our money. Surely if they possess the idiocy to parade on TV what they don't got, they must lack the ability to make good decisions off camera.

I'd like to tell myself this world has always had a similar idiot to average-dude ratio, and that there is now just more room on TV and the web for said idiots to be introduced to us--however, I hate to accept the reality that there seems to be an ever-increasing obsession with celebrity and that this has created a higher ratio of 'desperately desperate-to-be-rich and-or-famous' folks.

In watching this seasons group of auditioners I'd venture a guess that many if offered a hundred-grand in lieu of a singing career and in lieu of competing they'd take it with a smile and move on happily setting aside any pop-star dreams-Atleast for the moment seeing as how they are Americans and therefore unable to be satisfied with anything long-term.

It seems obvious that what most truly want is money, not a career--of any kind. On some level they realize they can't sing but have determined becoming a celebrity is akin to winning the lottery; that it's all about luck and requires nothing be brought to the table aside from showing up with your hand extended.

But bottomline, whatever the reality, it is unfortunate more of us aren't willing to work our way to success legitimately and find happiness succeeding at tasks that may never put us on TV.

I'll end with this--I visited the US Consulate today to add pages to my stamped up passport. While waiting I witnessed a lady rennounce her US citizenship and with right hand raised she (just might have) proclaimed she'd seen one too many American Idol auditions...

Low-down on Hawaii

At the risk of sounding like a spoiled brat I will not bore you with my account of how 6 nights in Oahu was not nearly enough and how I wanted to cry upon our return to Hong Kong... Yet, I could truthfully say all of the former.

Nick and I very much enjoyed our time in Waikiki with the Nordberg clan--spent swimming, sun-bathing, shopping for (tasteful) Hawaiian print dresses, shirts and sandals called crocs, snorkeling, drifting in the ocean's current, eating roasted pork at a Luau followed by more swimming and eating, etc. We could've done without the run-in with a parking garage wall which damaged our rented convertible, but aside from that we had good time despite any challenges in coordinating the preferences of a group of 7 travelers... It was not nearly enough time for all there was to do and who there was to see.

I've found on the last 2 trips from the states to HK that the first 72 hours of settling back into the norms here in Asia are often rough. There will be moments in those first few hours where I wanna throw my hands up and cry uncle but then after a day or two the routines of life here feel comfortable and I begin to focus on that which I do like about Hong Kong despite all it's differences when compared to the states which I know as home.

When in Hawaii both Nick and I noticed a dramatic difference in the attitude of folks in customer facing jobs. Say hotel receptionists, waitresses, Subway sandwich makers, etc... In the states we tolerate the bad attitudes of folks in these types of jobs feeling sorry for them I guess that they are paid relatively little and perhaps treated roughly from time to time. However, in Hong Kong walk into any Starbucks, McDonalds and you'll find a motivated bunch of individuals with high service standards. I supppose every job here is seen to be important in terms of your reputation and perhaps references are more important. Experience is important, no matter where it is had and there are simply enough applicants to assure you that you can be axed at any time should you choose not to smile when servicing patrons including demanding ones.

I love going to Starbucks here. Not just for the skim vanilla lattes but for the entire experience, it really does enhance the experience when you get the feeling those serving you are happy to do so and are attentive.

In Hawaii I visited a Subway manned by a few blokes who looked about as thrilled as patients waiting for a tooth drilling. Something about their posture, the way I had to repeat each topping selection twice, their lack of speed in getting anything done, the shifty look in their eye that made me suspect hand washing after bathroom visits was optional, etc.. this all left me wishing it was an option to go without eating lunch. But my unfortunate acclaimation to germy American sandwiches prevented me from loosing my appetite, though I regret that reality.

Hawaii it turns out is very international. We overheard Japanese, Koreans, Australians and this made us feel at home. These days I find I am most comfortable when I am the minority, something about a sea of black-haired heads puts me at ease... That must mean Hong Kong is in some ways no longer foreign.

For those who are interested to read on another thing quickly noticed when heading out from Asia is meal portion sizes. I saw a single serving salad bowl that would likely feed 2 or 3 in Hong Kong. Once away from the states you tend to forget just how large portions are, not to mention the free breadsticks, tortilla chips, salad, fries, etc most restaurants throw at you with the common entrees. It really is no wonder I have a hard time not stuffing my pie hole when back home. I don't miss the diet challenges presented by an abundance of food I can't resist once sitting in front of me. Better to be somewhat deprived in HK I guess. Yet there are plenty of 'bad' foods to be had here too...

For those who have yet to visit Hawaii I highly reccommend it. The water is a pretty blue, clear enough to see through and just warm enough to entice me. Haiti and Thailand, which I've visited, also have good-looking waves however the surroundings are not maticulously landscaped as can be said of Hawaii. It is the clean streets, the symmetrically placed tikki torches, gorgeous greenery and manicured lawns and palm trees that make Hawaii's view an experience above those offered elsewhere, IMHO....

Friday, our last day in Hawaii, we made our way to Hanoma Bay (not sure of spelling) where for a meager hour we we treated to an enjoyable snorkeling experience. I found it funny that as a kid who swam in lakes, I spent my time avoiding any fish sharing the water with me and now as a snorkeler, just try and stop me from chasing those little guys. I absolutely loved it! I'd briefly experienced underwater creature watching in Mexico, but this time I felt no hesitation. I am now researching whether I can somehow be paid to snorkel full-time, if only...

Look for pictures to be posted sometime soon, in addition to any other stories I think of post the posting of this post. Stay tuned.

To Good Weather and American Food!

Hi guys, for the few of you that may not already know... I am headed to Hawaii today! So, expect a break in my blogging. Though in reality I think I am averaging a post every 10 days anyway.

On the topic of See's candy which I wrote about recently, there is in fact a second See's location here on Hong Kong Island! Yea, junk food at an easy reach. But as it true with Godiva chocolate covered strawberries I will reserve them for special occasions such as when Nick secretly buys them for me as a just because gift...

Think most of you know about the recent Taiwan earthquake... You now have one more thing to put on your list of things to be thankful for come November 2007 and that is that the undersea fiber-optic cables you rely on are most often undisturbed. Here in Asia where quakes and the resulting Typhoons, etc seem the norm we learned first hand how life can be disrupted even miles away from the center of destruction.

For about 10 days now we've been dealing with the effects of the loss of connection technically speaking with the US, and a few countries in Asia. I quickly learned the technical set-up/structure of many of my fav sites as where data travels, servers are set-up, etc determined whether our access was interrupted. From day one we were able to access everything in Hong Kong but nothing hosted in the states... No Gmail for a bit, etc.

Wondering if Nick already covered this in his blog post...

I had my first 'All Organic' dinner the other day. Was dining with a g-friend, she suggested it and sure enough it was tasty. Is it just me or do we all have days where we think we'd make a suitable vegetarian or organic only person? Yea, that lasts for about 48 hours when you get a huge craving for something entirely generated from a lab-experiment gone wrong.

I was glad to see 2006 come and go and with 2007 came the reminder from my employer to renew my work Visa. Can you believe I've been in HK almost a year?

Well I do need to sign off. Have packing to do and snarly hair to deal with.