To be or not to be Kirstie Alley

So I want your vote, left in the form of a comment, that'll work. Been thinking recently about Kirstie Alley's self-assigned 'Weight Challenge' and been thinking about how she's a cool lady who met a challenging goal all with a spirit of humor (loved the Fat Actress show) and doesn't she look nice now (see Oprah show pics)...

So here I sit wondering whether it'd be insane to set a similar goal for myself. As in, agree to post a pic of me in a (tasteful) bikini on this very blog say on my 27th birthday, which falls on March 31st of this next year... That'd give me 4 months to lose the 20 pounds I'd need to in order to agree to be photographed in anything less than a tank top and capri's.

A few challenges exist. The first one being that my current fitness goal sits somewhere around the 'to not look repulsive in a one-piecer' level. So this'd mean taking it a few steps further and shedding more than 10 pounds from where I am now.

Secondly, I can remember only ONE time in my life where I stood in front of a mirror in a bikini and thought 'not a bit of bad fat on me' and that was at age 19 and since that time I've waffled in between the 30+, 50+ pounds range, as in I proceeded to gain as much as 45-50 pounds from my bikini-body state of being.

Seven years later, can I do it again? Do I want to, enough to make it happen? And then there is the inevitable complication presented by publishing this kind of goal. What happens to Beth's self esteem should she proceed to gain 20 pounds by March vs. shed her spare tires. Will her blog audience remind her of this and her failure?

And, then there is the question of whether all the hard work required--i.e. forgoing 2nd and 3rd helpings of pasta and continuing my 6am workouts, will be worth it. For starters, I kinda think bikini wearing and tanning go hand in hand. I mean if I'm gonna do this, I'd prefer not to resemble Courtney Love with her pasty white skin and frizzy hair showing more skin than we wish her to... But white skin (don't even tan well) and bad hair seem to be my lot. AND, the bigger issue, past experience tells me that a bikini-ready body does not equal readiness to wear said bikini in public--I've never been photographed in one...

So, what to do, what to do. It may seem obvious to you as you say to yourself 'why would Beth sign herself up for such humiliation' however if you're like me you need a hefty goal or two lying out there somewhere in the near future to give your little eyes something to focus in on. And seeing as how 'professional boxer' and 'award winning chef' seem out of grasp by say March '07, the bikini-body seems a bit more acheivable in relation to alternative milestones, if you get my drift.

Anyway, will think on that one a bit. On another note, let me just say I am tired of these lunch cafes that only take cash! Says me who tried to pay for her double-bacon-cheeseburger and fries with a credit card.

Oh, and PS--It's my pug dog Zoe's birthday today! Poor thing was neglected last year on her 1st so this time 'round I will do my best to put a nice hunk a meat in front of her as letting her chew my shoes just isn't going to happen. Happy 2nd b-day Zoe-ster.

If you can't right a wrong, tap it on the shoulder...

Life is never yummier than when conflict comes outa nowhere and smacks you right in the eyeball. Nothing makes me yell out "Waiter, waiter, can I get a second helping of that?" like a spur-of-the-moment squabble.

We all know people who should be required to wear 'Wild Animal-To Be Handled by a Professional Only' tags, but who's kidding who, those tags would stay put for about as long as the life of a headband on a two year old's head.

And besides, I wouldn't pay attention to the tagging system anyway. I'll tell my kids, "If you responsibly analyze what you believe you'll have the confidence to share your view on anything with anyone whether the person be a president or pauper (or cat or tiger)..."

Conflict is often warranted/healthy/productive, etc. Wall-flowers are 'friends' to many but hero's to none. Regardless of society's often unfortunate tendancy toward conformity, I think most of us realize it is ok to speak up, disagree, defend yourself as long as you can do so without belittling another or losing sight of your weaknesses also... and tact in the timing and manner of it all never hurts either...

But let's set aside the topic of purposeful conflict and banter a bit on the other side of conflict-nese.

I always enjoy coming into contact with adults who are behaviorly speaking, at the kindergarten level. Take today, for instance. I'm standing in line at Starbucks. There are two registers and two lines. At some point near the stairs the two lines merge out of necessity. Closer to the register a short 'spacer/partition' exists which more or less forces you to choose one of the now two lines. The Lady (A, I'll call her) in front of me chose the right side lane. At that point, both the left and right side had one person ahead of her. I then proceed to the left line. After completing the order of Lady Z in front of me in the left lane the Barista proceeds to ask me which drink she can begin to prepare. I order. I proceed to take out my wallet to find Lady A is no longer happy with her choice of the right lane as the individual in front of her in the right lane is still paying. Lady A squeezes past the partition in front of me and proceeds to interupt my order to place hers.

The Starbucks employee looked a bit caught off guard wondering whether she'd somehow skipped over Lady A in her attempt to help me. I made no fuss. A small deal in the scheme of things, right? It will come as no surprise that Lady A was pretty stone cold. She made no eye contact with me and showed no hesitation in cutting in front of me and well, staying put.

If you're like me, sometimes when you're 'wronged' you don't necessarily want an apology but you do want the situation acknowledged for what it was. I've dealt with my fair share of biotches in this life. And most of the time this is OK, provided they're willing to wear a T-shirt declaring, "Yes, I'm a Biotch." It's not so much that your mean to me that bothers me, but rather the feeling that in the end it was I who looked mean when it was you who was all about what you wanted and nothing else.

Let's call it all as it is. That's all I'm asking. If only Lady A could've said, "I'm being a biotch today, move over..." I would've done it, if she admited it was she who was in the wrong.

But alas, no such solution was presented and so I rectified the trouble as best I could. I tapped Lady A on the shoulder and simply said, "I'm sorry if I cut in front of you. I'd thought you were in the right line otherwise I wouldn't have started my order..."

She replied, "It's OK. No problem."

And somehow my doing that made me feel better...

Our Thanksgiving Weekend

Nick and I had a full weekend--relatively speaking anyway seeing as how the typical 2 1/4 day break from work usually results in us having washed a few dishes, finished a load of laundry, attending a 1 1/2 hour church service--this amidst our 10 to 15 hours of movie watching and staring blankly at the odd and mediocre tv show or two while we eat our prepared lunches and dinners.

Friday night after work we headed to 'Fat Kee' a restaurant owned and operated by the parents of Zoe (not to be confused with my dog Zoe) whom I work with. Zoe currently attends a local university and came to my workplace via an internship and since then has not been able to break away from us as she possesses quite a talent for managing proposal related content and is adorable which doesn't hurt.

Around 7:30pm the eating was underway--the 6 of us present were grabbing noodles, deep fried garlic shrimp, fried rice and dumplings as fast as our chopsticks would allow. Nick and I don't often frequent Chinese restaurants here. I could blame that on my not being able to read the non-English menus, but even if I had an English menu my avoidance comes down to a fear of what might show up on my plate even if I were to order a dish by means other than blankly and randomly pointing to a menu item.

I was pleasantly surprised. The rice and noodle dishes were tasty and yes, this is coming from 2 picky eaters. I did purposefully avoid most of the salted fish pieces in the rice, but really most folks would probably assess them as being similar to the salted pork traditional in 'Western Fried Rice.' And the shrimp dumplings were ok, most people would probably love 'em.

Though I don't enjoy most seafood (other than crab and tuna sandwiches) and never will, especially creatures like shrimp and scallops, I left dinner with a new perspective. It seems, assuming Fat Kee represents other shops here in Hong Kong, I do not in fact dislike 99.5% of authentic Chinese food, but rather maybe 95%, which is for sure a noticable change...

Perhaps Zoe can write in Chinese the 2 or 3 dishes I enjoy so I can better mingle with the locals and step into the Chinese eateries once in awhile. Though I'll still need to overcome my reaction to chicken being served on the bone with all the 'junk' present as the Chinese do not 'do' chicken breast nor even dark meet without skin and bones. It's tough when you don't like seafood, duck nor 'funky' chicken. And I'm still adjusting to the reality that broccolli, celery, carrots and the like are considered 'Western veggies' and therefore not often served, even in a stir fry.

Saturday we attempted to create a bit of a holiday atmosphere and picked up a pre-cooked chunk of turkey from CitySuper grocery store (we have no oven) and made stuffing to compliment. We cheated and picked up gravy and potatoes from KFC vs. making our own as this is one side dish that seems to create a completely messy kitchen with the peeling, boiling and mashing... cranberries were not forgotten, I cut off a 'ring' or two from a can of the jellied stuff. Overall, we enjoyed the day despite the dry and fatty turkey which I thought earned the 'second to worst' position in relation to previous turkey's I've eaten.

Sunday morning we rassled up the Zoe-ster and headed to 'The Peak' to begin the 'Peak to Post' fundraising walk. We didn't actually have any sponsors other than ourselves, but despite that we joined a hundred or two other dog owners to aid the Hong Kong Dog Rescue organization. We met one other pug, 11 months old and cute and much less wirey than Zoe.

The walk was to end in 'Lan Kwai Fong' which is basically a street lined on either side with bars/restaurants not to mention the bars that occupy the 2nd/3rd/4th floors of said buildings. Lan Kwai Fong is where most people go after work as most Hong Konger's don't cook dinner nor do they want to hang out in their tiny apartment. Our Dog walk was to end with a buffet brunch but perusing the menu we decided coleslaw, veggie salad, curry and chocolate cake wasn't enough of a selection for either of us.

Skipping brunch we proceeded home all-the-while complaining about how the entire 75 minute walk had been downhill taking bets on whose thighs would be in the most pain the next day. I suppose before next year's fundraising walk we have to begin a training regime ensuring we are prepared to walk downward for over an hour.

Will try to post pictures from the weekend later today...

Undies at Work

Today has not been a good day and the weather seems to match my mood. Through any window the only thing that can be seen is the endless black sky, though I'm not sure I'm really seeing something (the sky) so much as nothing.

Yesterday I would've put money on today not being a great day and my odds were only confirmed when I began the 'dressing for work' process. It was about 1.5 seconds after I'd shimmied into a chocolate brown and pink tweed knee-length skirt, knee-high brown boots and v-neck brown sweater and tank that I realized if I were to walk into work wearing said outfit I may be referred to as the 'chubby pink and brown bunny' that is assuming anyone was feeling complimentary toward me.

Realizing disappointment over my appearance in a trendy style is not uncommon. What is however unfortunate was that I had had visions of myself in this particular skirt and boots. Visions that were perhaps very much out of proportion--as in no rose-colored classes needed, because in my vision the sky and trees had a pink hue naturally.

I'm the girl who loves brown clothing. I can't resist picking up that 10th brown shirt because by gosh it's in a style not quite like any of the other 9 I own. And the 10 isn't even considering my passionate response to anything combining turquoise and brown or pink and brown; including those I may own 25 brown-ish shirts at any given moment.

So here I was in possession of a brown and pink tweed skirt, matching boots and now a new complimentary (or so I thought) sweater just procured from Washington. I merely needed the weather in HK to cool down for a bit removing any potential problems caused by the combination of humidity (moisture) and the plastic-y fake-leather boots which are already uncomfortable (in any weather) on my thick calves. And as I mentioned, the weather was anything but warm today.

Every so often I do this. I dream up the 'perfect' outfit and go about my way searching for all the bits and pieces required to bring the image to life. And yet, I don't seem to learn from previous results which tell me that any chance I have at feeling comfortable in my clothing (or slightly attractive even) will only result from a diluted and more importantly spontaneous state of being and not, no, not ever, from any pre-planning or grand efforts on my part.

This was and is thoroughly disappointing. I wanted so badly to look nice in my brown and pink trendy threads, but no sir-ri-bob--it was not happening. Far be it from me to buck any previous negative trends in this realm.

Quickly accepting reality I changed into a suit (also new from Washington, and also brown) and decided I would have to make due with it, despite the fact that my stomach roll detracted from the appeal it should have. It seemed there would be no winning the battle to look attractive today. Accepting defeat, I quickly ate 3 bowls of cereal and made my way to the street to enter the 'taxi nabbing showdown' that is the norm.

In an effort to keep a hand free for my umbrella I'd stowed my Mandarin books inside my gym bag. Arriving at the office I thought it best to take the books out. No sooner had I lifted the 2 books out of the bag did I realize my panties were stuck to the spiral binding of my notebook. Aacck!! No... !! But yes, there they were, my black panties laying on my desk for the viewing pleasure, I mean horror, of the few co-workers who'd also arrived early. Mind you, I work in an 'open cube' environment, as in, there was no protection, no walls to shield the display of my undergarments.

I have to say this was a first, the whole flinging under-garments at work thing. Had I known I would be parading around my panties at the office I might have made a different choice. The turquoise and pink striped one's perhaps? or lacy chocolate brown diddies? Definitely not the slightly snarfy one's with red cherries all over... Who knows, it would've been a hard decision--one that might not have ended in the black ones that traveled with me today... I can only hope the guy who sits behind me (and faces me) assumed it was a 3-holed silky handkerchief.

*Sigh* Let's hope the rest of my week turns upward though that seems doubtful as the bad weather isn't giving off signs of plans to leave the city...

A Hong Kong Thanksgiving

I've now been back in Hong Kong for over 72 hours and just about back on track with local time. I think I've learned that adjusting to a new time zone is best done when working, the forced schedule does not allow for the 2pm nap I would prefer to take. Saturday I fell asleep around 4pm and awoke around 4am--this being the longest I have slept ever, even considering the 2 potty breaks.

My time in Washington was well spent. Very few to-do's went undone and seeing family and friends helped me feel connected and provided a reminder that everyone stands ready to pick up where we left off once Nick and I return to the states.

I was surprised to find upon my arrival that I felt as though I'd never left Washington. Family hadn't aged, city landscaping sat mostly unchanged and my favorite foods were for the most part just as I had remembered. Though Seattle was a bit colder than I anticipated--I spent many days bundled up. Going clothes shopping while cold probably wasn't the smartest plan, upon my return to Hong Kong I was reminded it is still too humid here to wear things like jeans or long-sleeve sweaters, but we'll see what weather December and January bring.

Also noticable upon my return, the malls and city streets now showcase Christmas trees and garland. Though really, not sure that'll result in any Christmas cheer as it simply seems too wrong to spend the holidays in a land where tank tops can still be worn.

Making the trek to WA by myself allowed me quality time with my family, though I wished Nick could've had a restful week in Washington like I did. I spent the first three nights at my sister Amy's apartment and was greatful to learn what I would've never known about her had I not found myself needing a place to stay. How she does her laundry, her routines, quirks, work schedule, what her pantry is filled with--things you wouldn't ask about but find interesting. I enjoyed the opportunity to see inside her life having spent the better part of 3/4 days together. I miss her already.

This trip also allowed me to meet Tony, Amy's boyfriend. Having the opportunity to 'inspect' him was comforting though time spent with him confirmed what I already knew... Amy makes decisions carefully. Meeting Tony put one more puzzle piece in place and only complimented my time with Amy. Thanks to you both for your help in making my time in Washington fun.

I also spent a good bit of time with my Dad, who has been under more-than-the-usual stress lately trying to best care for my Mother whose condition is only worsening. We talked over breakfast at Denny's, over a 3 hour lunch at Red Robin and during the 1 1/2 hour wait at the DOL (I renewed my driver's license which had expired this year) Our time together was much appreciated and aided in strengthening what has been a weak relationship at times. Here's to hoping life eases up for both of us in the near future... I will keep in touch Dad, you do the same :)

Abby, currently the quieter of us 4 girls, hung out with me on Monday. This was the first time I was driven around by her, now a legal driver. Congrats, Abby, I didn't feel nervous at all. Thanks for accompanying me Thursday, Friday, Monday afternoon. I will follow your instructions and send you some snail mail soon! It was great to see you, baby sis!

I spent Thursday night, Friday afternoon and evening and Sunday with Jessica, my elder sister. She was kind enough to cook a Thanksgiving meal for me having pity on one who has no oven, and more importantly no family with whom to dine with come holiday time this week... It was good to see you too, Janelle, Kendra, Tyler and of course, Joey. Thanks for the hospitality and company. Our time together went by much too quickly.

A thank you is also due to the FIL and MIL, Keith and Joyce whose home I invaded nights not spent at Amy's. I appreciate your help in getting me to and from, feeding me, and aiding in tightly packing my suitcases to allow me to return home with several 'extra' goodies for Nick. And thanks Tawnya for the vaccuum-seal bags, will return them in January! FYI, Nick is throroughly enjoying his Code Red soda and Tim's Cascade Style chips and Costco muffins.

Shout-out to Jonita, Loni, Angela and Kathleen and Lauralee, it was nice to see all of you girls. PS: Russell ladies, you really should go to the company party, it'll be fun! I'd go with ya if I could, and, keep me updated if you figure out the 'one black glove' issue. Kathleen, am waiting to see if you come up with any creative solutions re: the cats... ? Not to mention the new car, kudos to you for that! LL, eagerly anticipating our next girls wine trip. I miss my Eaton Hill favs!

Lunching with friends and family was fun but proved difficult at times when trying to best explain Hong Kong. It seems America is so full of choices, quality choices, that it can be hard to understand just how life is at times challenging for Nick and I.

As an example when it comes to food, when we complain we're often surveyed on what is available to us. Don't you have Italian food in Hong Kong? Mexican? Thai? Well, yes, but imagine having 3 choices instead of 20 (bet you don't even realize how many choices you have back home). Imagine navigating hidden streets looking for what you know must exist but isn't always well advertised. Imagine having to try (and pay for) everything without knowing whether the quality will be acceptable. I could make a living playing consultant to chefs here, not to mention just opening up a place myself, a good number of restaurants serve fair I wouldn't serve to people eating for free in my own home (though I am a top-notch foodie, try me, I very often know what people like!) And yet, there are a few places like Union Grill or Grappa's Italian that could rival America's offerings.

If I were to sum up the last 9 months here in Hong Kong I would have to say it's been full of trial and error, researching, testing, learning. Many of the places we enjoy today whether it be for goods, food, clothes, we found only after a few months of searching. Many buildings here don't have appropriate singage allowing passers-by to know what is hidden inside. Grocery stores are in the basements of 5 story buildings and restaurants are clustered together in tiny apartment sized nooks.

But that said, should you visit someday (and you all are welcome to) don't expect your experience to mirror mine. There are so many little realities that make living here so very different than a 2 week visit. If you decide to make the trek over, Nick and I have on hand several tried and true eateries to occupy you for a few weeks, and you'll be fine having packed the majority of any goods required on the short trip.

While we have at best 2 true 'fast food' choices, and you have 10 or more, remember to stop and savor the Taco Bell. Appreciate the concept of a drive through. Walk through Target, Wal-mart, Costco and this Thanksgiving, be thankful for all the quality choices that surround you. Be thankful that you can get a spool of thread, facewash and socks under one roof. Be thankful your life doesn't involve the regular use of elevators that travel 50 floors with way too many people on them. Be thankful you never have to wait for a taxi. Be thankful Washington isn't humid.

Meanwhile, I will be thankful in my own way, that I am here in Hong Kong, despite it's flaws, able to experience the holidays in a new and different way versus spending one more year in a state I've explored for over 25 years.

May we all be thankful for that which is before us and remember those around us as we celebrate. Here's to all being together again soon...

Hong Kong Cabbies

I had the pleasure of 'scoring' an English speaking taxi driver the other day. Hong Kong is a hard place to explain in many ways. With regard to language, some joints are filled with people who've spoken English since birth and yet other places attract those who avoid speaking to a 'westerner' of any sort.

This difference in skill/comfortability may be generational. I learned from a group of 9 and 10 year olds (whom I teach at church) that they aren't allowed to speak any Cantonese in school as many teachers are foreign and wouldn't be able to keep eye on what was being said, etc...

Needless to say, these kids will be quite comfortable with English come college/job time.
There are certain professions, such as cab driving that tend to attract non-English speaking types. And while, yes, it is a profession that often requires interaction with us Aussies, British and American's, it is known that those who speak (good) English pursue jobs paying more than taxi'ing does.

In any case, there I was last week hopping into said cab to find my driver spoke English well enough to converse with me on pretty much anything. And so, being the ever curious individual I am, I quickly overwhelmed him with my taxi related queries. What are your busy times? How many hours a day do you usually work? Do you own this car or lease it? How much do you usually make in a day? What are the driving laws about this, about that? Do you ever get pulled over by cops here? Why wont taxis pick me up in Lan Kwai Fong when it's really busy?

He was so obliging. He went on to tell me that he'd taken out a 25 year loan with the bank for his taxi 'package' which included the car and license. $3.6 million HK dollars; not cheap I tell you. He noted that people in Hong Kong used to work less hours and so taxi drivers would find more business taking folks from the office-to dinner-to a movie-and home. In the last 2-3 years as people work later and later drivers are providing just one trip--from the office to home. This guy now works from 7am to 11pm to make what he says he could from 7am to 7pm awhile ago.

He went on to explain to me that local cops do in fact monitor drivers (I've never seen anyone 'pulled over') and if drivers sense cops may be hanging round they'll not stop in certain areas (where a double yellow line is present) as doing so could incur a $450HK fee ($58.50US), which is about one days wages.

I knew about the double yellow line rule, but usually enough taxi's will stop anyway. But I've noticed at certain times I'll flag, flag again and no-one will stop. I now know why. This won me a bet with Nick as he was sure our inability to catch a cab was not related to law enforcement issues.

You gotta feel for these guys--during down times, say between 3-5pm they often spend an hour or two queueing in a line waiting for their turn to pick-up one of the few people trickling out of this buliding or that.

I found we arrived at my apartment all too soon as I had so many more questions I wanted answered. He ended in asking me my name and gave me his (Jackson) along with his number should I need to pre-arrange a ride sometime. To which I replied, absolutely, nothing like having a driver on call when stepping outside the office at 6:45 to find an hour long cab line while wearing heels that won't let you walk home.

Anyway, let this be my shout-out to Jackson for a pleasant ride home.

Project Keep Beth Awake

Soon I will be embarking on my trip to the other side of the world. This will be my first return 'home' since moving to Hong Kong in February and so I've yet to learn how to vacay around potentially severe jet lag.

I'll probably find myself wanting to party all night heading to bed around 6am Seattle time. This wouldn't be so bad if I was a 'dancing under the disco ball' kinda girl, but I am not.

Not surprisingly I have a full schedule ahead of me. But just how I'm gonna keep myself to said meetings / lunches / dinners I don't know. And so I realized I'd better enlist the assistance of those around me.

It will likely be a challenge to get myself out of bed in the mornings. And so peeps, please do me a favor--if 8am has come and gone and I'm still sleeping (and you're not) do knock on 'my' door.

You can feel free to do this knowing: 1) I am a morning person, I will not be rude or grouchier than say I would be around 4pm having been woken up. 2) I really don't want to spend my time in WA sleeping. There are so many people to see, places to go and American mattresses aren't particularly different than those in HK, so I don't need to revel in them. Well, ok, actually, they are different, but that's a fact needing to be explained another time....

It is my plan to forgo sleeping tomorrow (Wednesday) night in hopes Thursday morning I can hop on the plane and proceed to sleep through most of the horidly taxing 14 hour flight day arriving in Seattle bright and early, energized and ready to live Thursday November the 9th all over again.

All that said, if you find me wanting to take a jog around 11pm and looking hazy eyed around 10am, please understand. If I seem irritated, bored, quiet, please have grace knowing my internal clock is very, very angry with me. I may crave dinner at 3am and breakfast at dinner, but still, somehow I'll manage to have loads of fun. And, knowing me, it's a possiblity I'll be awake and alert at 7am as though I never left Washington.

Well, here we go, the show is starting...

Warning: It's Serious

In order for news to be news it must be hot off the press. And so often we can’t know the whole truth on who said what, went where, until and unless the truth reveals itself despite what the lips of those involved reveal.

That being the case, I am somewhat hesitant to comment on the alleged details recently revealed with regard to Ted Haggard’s personal life.

But although at this point I can not know with certainty whether Ted did betray his wife by pursuing another man, he has (now) owned up to having contacted the Mr. Jones who we’ve seen in television interviews.

If we are to learn from history, we are to know that where there is a pile of beer bottles there was a party. Too many times have you and I seen those around us, in the media, claim to be that which they aren’t. “I didn’t do it, or, what I meant to do was...” As eye-witnesses or receipts or video tape come forth, the accused find they can no longer deny that which we know and so they become as honest as they have to be in that moment. For if they don’t own up to that which we know, we certainly won’t let them force feed us additional lies and it becomes their only hope to do just that.

I am very, very tired of our world leaders refusing to be accountable for the choices they make; refusing to nobly own up to who they really are. So many leaders are mediocre at best as they choose to hide behind closed doors, hiding their hearts desire—hoping they won’t someday have to pay the cost of their secret lives.

Ted has no place preaching. He certainly has no place advocating that gay relationships are not blessed by God if he at the same time lives that life.

I can’t say that I would fault a gay person for preaching that gay relationships are wrong, if they at the same time owned up to having done that which they don’t believe is right. For we all sin, and we ought not to be perfect in order to advocate for what we believe.

But the secrecy and deceit needs to stop. I do not need to know the rest of the story, meaning ‘how far’ Ted went with Mr. Jones in order to assess that he is a weak man. A man not strong enough to stand up and admit who is he is—a man not strong enough to step down from leadership if he is leading people where he isn’t going.

This world has far too many weak leaders. We aren’t taught how to be solid people. We aren’t taught to have resolve and accountability. We are taught to excuse our mistakes, to close the door, to attack, to lie, and this reality—though rewarding to our ego’s—has done only long-term, global damage.

I think I speak for many when I say I am weary. Tired of hearing the “Clinton’s” of this world say “I didn’t do it.” Only to find, weeks later, under the gun, the opposite comes spilling out.

It frustrates me that this pattern of ‘lying until you can no longer’ rewards those who choose it. When the news initially breaks, we are shocked; but skeptical and leary of media we hesitate to form strong opinions. And with the passing of time our emotionally charged reactions subside allowing us to perhaps ‘easily accept’ the unacceptable. Someday soon we may hear Ted, in his own words (under pressure) reveal that he did that which Mr. Jones alleges.

Let me remind you Ted that a forced confession is worth little. If your account is like the wind and is broken only by that which refuses to move for it (the truth) you are truly a sad man hardly capable of leading anyone.

Ted, you have the right to live the life you’ve considered here with Mr. Jones. Granted because you aimed to keep it all hush-hush you have likely committed an illegal act having compensated him for accompanying you in private.

My belief is that if you can not live your life out loud, you ought not be living it. If you find you are compelled to choose secrecy, it is either your conscience reminding you to go in a different direction—and, or, you’re just not ready to live the life you really want to.

A great leader deeply cares about the lives of those he leads. He pays critical attention to the words that leave his lips. He recognizes that his choices impact those around him, placing upon him a heavy responsibility that he’d better be ready for.

Leaders are often people with drive, with passion and stark intelligence. The combination of these attributes can be disastrous. As a leader you may find your followers often revel in what you say. They may not possess strength to allow them to judge you as they ought, despite your accolades.

It takes a clean, pure, driven man to channel his intelligence to the better of those around him despite what may benefit him in the moment. And sadly what would benefit those around us often doesn’t appear to benefit us personally, atleast in the heat of the decision.

Can we not start living ONE life? A life that is the same indoors as it is out. Those of us who feel compelled to lead, can't we do so only after committing to the hardship that comes with it. Only after committing to lead a sacrificial life putting those behind you (followers) before you.

Ted, you contemplated in secret the choices you made. Perhaps fear is a stronger emotion than guilt and so to avoid the pressing fear, the ‘what-if’s should you fail’ you chose to give into your desires finding that after doing so fear had been replaced with lackluster guilt.

I can only hope you find true sorrow. How do I know you haven’t yet? Any man who excuses his actions (initially you said you didn’t even know Mr. Jones) isn’t really sorry. I can only hope that someday you understand the complete ramifications of your choices and offer those who gave you their respect an apology. I can only hope your wife, your children, have enough resolve to keep moving forward despite what they’ve seen you do.

It is unfortunate that those who followed you didn’t possess the ability to sense your two-faced persona, but all the more why you should have stepped up to be the man they needed you to be.

As a fellow christian, who also advocates for hetrosexual relationships, when people see you they see me. Unfotunately now, people like myself are left to clean up a mess, the image you've left in the minds of all those watching and waiting to see whether the attributes you claim God has, and gives to us, really exist. And who can blame them for pointing you out as one reason why the christian life seems so very unattractive.

I can only end in saying, to you Ted, thank goodness God is gracious and forgiving.

Beth and the City

Living in a big city you find yourself appreciating the small moments of peace and relative quietness. Finding a little place to have breakfast where you have your choice from the 3 or 4 tiny tables. Or taking a walk and finding that today, not many are on the same path.

I think it was in the movie "You've Got Mail" where I got a 'lil inside scoop into why it is people will pay $3 for a cup of coffee day in and day out at places like Starbucks. Something about how we all need a '3rd place.' We've got our offices, we've got our homes, but where to spend a portion of the remaining few hours each day?

I didn't quite grasp the important of the third place back in Washington. Owning a home, with over 2,500 square feet I didn't often feel the need to escape it's walls and wander the city. I didn't like the hassle of streets that weren't walkable, I didn't like the here and there loud honking and annoying drivers, I didn't like that places I would've walked too weren't within a 1/2 mile.

Here, living in a 750sf apartment (which took a bit of doing to come by) I find it a challenge to fight off clostrophobia after being indoors for 4 or 5 hours straight. And so the search begins for places to just hang out. Starbucks becons with it's comfy couches and filling drinks. A place to sit, maybe people watch, ok, definately people watch and let an hour pass by.

Not many places offer the atmosphere Starbucks does, but one can not spend all day in a coffee shop. It won't do for dinner and it wont do for long-term entertainment. Which leaves me with a few alternate time wasters: walking in the city, this is fun on Sundays when the fillipino housemaids are off duty and gather on the sidewalks and city corners. As I walk I watch the girls braid each others hair, paint nails, play cards, eat cheetos and noodles and ponder whether I have the wrong career. They look pretty happy.

Saturdays, we often walk to one of the 'expat-friendly' grocery stores to pick up a few American staples. Nick and I always joke about how we must be good for each other... We're both so boring we've allowed a trip to the grocery store to become an 'outing.' Sometimes we'll venture to Kowloon for a nice meal or head to the gym for an extra-hard workout. And then there are days like last Saturday where we spent the day eating cupcakes and pizza.

Sundays we're often up by 7am. I am not one to sleep in, and so we'll head to the early 9:30 church service. The remainder of the day spent cooking, cleaning, or just hanging out, at home. Though, even 'hanging out' becomes a challenge when Nick and I can not both be in the kitchen without touching each other. Tiny, it is.

So, I may not be a long-term big-city gal. But I manage to enjoy the pro's having learned to adjust to all the noise and traffic--which isn't easy being one who really enjoys alone time, on a daily basis. One of my favorite things to do is walk outside when the weather is cool and gentlly breezing, with nothing but me and my thoughts. Alone time is definately under-rated.

Though I've worked out many of my differences with big city life, I am of course, looking forward to next week's trip back to where all things are familiar--greenery, stores that have signs posted (making them easy to find), cheaply poorly copied mexican and asian food (which I like specifically because they don't mirror that which they immitate) and shoe stores with staff that don't get bug-eyed when you ask for a size 9.

Here's to a fun, short, but busy week of small city life. Looking forward to soon seeing you, my friends and family.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

An update on misc things:

1) medicinally: I have a sweat rash. OK, so this isn't really medicinal, but health related. Ok, so maybe not health related so much as a 'lil irritation. You know the saying "thorn in your side?" This could be changed to "rash on your side," as that is very troublesome also.

2) I am in an undeclared war against Paris Hilton, or atleast her music. I walked into the gym the other day to find them playing PH's album, in it's entirety for like the 4th time that week alone. Having quickly learned I despise PH's tunes I decided I could not make it through 1 more workout with her screeching overhead. I sauntered to the front counter and inquired on other music options. Thankfully they obliged and started up Green Day.

A day or two later I walk into the gym, noticing that as I do, the girl (a different girl) at the front desk quickly swoops down to change what was PH, to some other disc. I wonder if a memo about me and my hating Paris's new CD was sent out to the staff...

3) Last weekend, in an effort to see something new, outside the 1 mile radius of what is the happening center of Hong Kong Nick I are jaunted over to Lamma Island. It was filled with 40 year old raga-muffin, bikini wearing (by those who shouldn't), yard-sale-ing (though on the sidewalk, not an actual yard) weirdo's. Not to mention stray dogs, dirty cafe's and little else. I've renamed it Lame-O Island, creative, I know. Nick has since stopped teasing me about being a 'Manhattan Girl' (this will make sense to big city people and NY'ers) Hey, all I'm sayin is why bother leaving a lil stretch of land if there isn't much else worth seeing outside it?

4) I am thrilled. I will be rejoining all things familiar to me come next week upon my visit to Washington. Can't wait. My list of people to see and things to do is a bit overwhelming but only exciting! Who-hoo!